The Rant Out Time

aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!I am feeling so pissed off now on someone. Well I am just going to pour out my frustration over here. I don’t care about my spellings or grammatical errors for that matter. It all started on 24th April, 2021. My friend’s sister called me and asked me to arrange a surprise cake for her. She is my childhood friend. So I thought why not, lets do it. Next day I went to her place with the cake. Her family members also planned out beautiful surprise for her. To my surprise, her birthday tuned out to be great. But but, that stupid friend of my mine (ex-childhood friend), she was all the time complaining that why did we planned a surprise for her. How dumb she is?? My mom asked me not to go, still I went. AAAAHhhhhhhh…..I got covid because of her. But that stupid friend, I have stopped talking to her since that day. To be specific, 30th April onwards. I hate her now. I don’t want her in my life ever.

The most ungrateful person she is. I am never ever going to do anything for her. That is for sure. I ma waiting to recover fully from covid. Than I will deal with her personally. But as of now, I am really mad at her. And most of all, I am made at myself for not listening to my mother.

I have promised myself that hereafter I will always listen to her. I am always going to obey her. I just want to recover soon. Pray for me guys. Please, really need of your prayers. Please guys, I am feeling weak. Today is my 12th day. The symptoms are longer seen but I am feeling weak.

Mother’s Day

One word but has thousands of emotions, feelings attached to it. As a kid, I used to wonder, why moms are so complicated. They know what exactly their child wants, still they will be reluctant to give. As a child, I was and I am very stubborn and strong head. I used to do exactly the opposite of what my mother used to tell. It’s true!! I am not kidding. I am like that. But there is one thing, I really love my mother alot. I fight, argue and cry and do so many dramas with her. But I love her a lot.

Recently, I was tested covid positive. Since then, my mom is taking care of me diligently. Right from giving me water or food, she is there for me, risking her life. My mother always told me, that when you will have child, that time you will realize the pain and efforts parents take to raise their kids. I never understood this, until now. When I see her, I really feel like catching my ears and standing in her front of her ask for forgiveness. Forgive my stupidity, forgive my childish behavior. Forgive me whenever I have hurt you. I have realised my mistake and please believe me, I have changed now. I really want to be the best daughter for you because you the best mom. You deserve every happiness of this world. You are my universe.

On this mother’s day, I request everyone to look at your mom once and see the amount of efforts she has taken to raise you. It’s was not a easy task. She is the greatest selfless human being on the earth, infact in whole universe. I love my mother a lot. I respect her a lot. She is my whole world now.

Happy Mother’s Day, my greatest inspiration and the most important person of my life. I know I have realized this little late. But trust me, I will definitely make up to you.

I LOVE YOU MOM. AND I AM SORRY.

After a long time…..Happiness is here!!

Finally, here I am, with a brave face and a big smile on my face. It was indeed a great struggle to have both at the same time. To top it, I am at peace also. I don’t know when was the last the time, I was at so ease and comfortable. I literally stopped writing as I was in conflict with myself. I didn’t had the perfect song to listen.

But now I have everything that I want in my life. “My heart was going at the same where it was hurted so many times, my eyes were looking at my wounds with deep confusion”. The Sun never smiled so brightly as it is smiling now. I have struggled to get answers of those questions which were actually answers. Confusing, right!!! I realised that my questions were instead my answers. And so I stopped chasing my answers.

One thing I have realised is that one should never give up on themselves. No matter what happens in your professional/personal life. Never give up the hope of again being happy and at peace. You can use any way to restore your faith in happiness, but don’t give up. There is no mantra as such if you ask me. The only thing that I would suggest is never give up yourself. Even if you lose people, your relationship is falling apart etc.

Don’t stress about future. the things that are meant to happen in your life, will surely happen. Just prepare your to face the future and keep working towards your goal. I am sure everyone has heard this- Life is what happening when you are making plans. So for now, smile at your confusions and enjoy the small moments of your life.

My 2020 year

Everyone is either cursing or trying to find the positive side of 2020. Some are learning various skills at home. I am sure this year has taught us many things. Some of you have lost their loved ones because of the corona. Some of you recovered from the dreadful virus.

Most importantly, we all are hoping for the year to end or to get the vaccine, whichever happens first. Well, unlike everyone, my 2020 became worst even before corona. So I feel proud to say that the corona was/is the not the only thing that has disappointed me.

I lost my two of my closest family members. I lost my grandmother right in front my eyes. I am not trying to get any sympathy. But after seeing few incidences, I have so many questions in my mind. When my grandmother was taken to the graveyard, we were hardly 7 of us over there. According to Hindu customs, the son has to do the final rites. But because of corona, my uncle couldn’t come. My mother did all the final rites. I was all the time with my mother. I really wonder how come a person gets the strength to set their loved person on fire. How can you do that?? How can you dress up someone for the last time?

You lived with that person. You shared your happiness and sorrows. You are the one who has to perform the last rites of your loved one. The fact that you are never going to see that person ever in your life makes it more difficult for me to accept the death as an unavoidable truth. When we reached the graveyard, there were at least 5 bodies burning. All I could see was fire everywhere. I really can’t forget that image ever in my life. One thing I realised was that nothing matters when you reach there. No amount of money/qualification/social status/caste/sex will change the fact that one day even you be here. And your loved one will set you on fire. After my mother performed the last rites, we left the graveyard leaving my grandmother all alone over there. Next day, I went to collect the ashes of my grandmother. My hands were shivering as I had to accept the fact that I can never see or hear her again. The person gave the ashes to me. My granny was in my hands. I brought her home. The ashes were kept at home for few a days. I really wanted to see what was there inside the clay pot. How is it possible for my granny to fit in inside a clay pot. I never touched it also once it was brought at home.

This whole incidence made me realise a few things. Honestly, it has changed me as a person also. Earlier, I used to get upset or pick up fight/argue with my loved ones even for the slightest issue. I used to be very upset with one aspect of my life. But now, I enjoy the moment instead of worrying. I try to understand other perspectives. And most importantly, I have understood that no one can make you happy if you wait for things to happen according to your way.

So be happy and don’t have any negative thoughts/grudges for anyone. Even if you hate someone, always remember that he/she will not bury/set you on fire. Your closest loved one is going to do that. So don’t hate anyone. Smile and spread the happiness around you.

A journey called Life

Positive affirmation #9

“Whatever happens in our life, it happens for a reason”, we all have heard this sentence from someone when we are going through difficult phase.

We try to question our life. We do, so many things just to know “why” it happened.

One bad experience and we bar ourselves from trying again. We don’t try, we don’t love, we don’t give ourselves an another chance.

We tend to forget that life has its own ways of teaching us its lessons.
Bad moments come complimentary with good ones and this how life GOES ON.

Yes. Our life has some undiscovered ways of teaching us many things. Instead of questioning everything, sometimes take it as an answer and move on in your life. We all have limited with us. Why waste our precious time in questioning?

Let bygones be bygones. Enjoy every moment of your life. The time moves even when you stop. Even this pandemic will go and once again. We all will get busy with our routine. So enjoy your journey.

Stay home and stay safe

Marriage – Union of two souls…Wait What!!

Marriage. What is Marriage? Why do people get married? How they can decide and select a person with whom they will spend their life? What if things don’t work out? What if you end up with the wrong person? What if you get the best person? How you can be with a person 24*7 for another 30-40 years? How can you decide about having kids with that person? There are tons and tons of questions in my mind.

My parents think its time for me to start looking out for boys and select my soul mate. So I agreed on their decision. Little did I know that finding a soul mate means finding a guy who is from my caste/religion/fair skin complexion/financially stable/ independent/ should be of my age/ economic status should be same (not too rich and average).

After going through all the filters, I realized that I am trying to find a guy who can match my parent’s expectations and not mine. Trust me, its very complicated tasks. When I was a kid, I thought marriage is about two people who decide to take care of each other in all the situations. Most importantly any two people who are in love can get married.

Sadly, no one is concerned about love. Someone said me, “If you pet a dog for one week, you will start liking it.. So if you start living with your partner, eventually you will fall in love with him”

Like really.. People compare human beings with animal😂 My god!! After all this research I have realised that I am not marriage material. I would love to be alone and enjoy my life.

PS- Can I get a guy who is genuinely looking for a soul mate?? 🤔

Shattered into pieces

Once again, I was shattered into pieces.

Every broken piece of mine, screaming to pierce you,

But my broken heart was protecting you,

There I was, standing all alone in the dark,

Looking at my shattered self-esteem and wondering “When did I make myself so vulnerable?”

And just then, I could see my reflection in the broken piece,

And thinking “Only if people could realise that we get only one life to make us and others happy. So why degrade someone in the name of religion or for money.”

In a world.

In a world, where people practice being happy,

To a world where people are actually happy….

In a world, where you meet someone and want to be with them for a lifetime,

To a world, where you meet someone and everyone else wants you to be with them for a lifetime.

In a world, where I found myself,

To a world, where I have to lose myself and be a part of the crowd.

In a world, where I have the courage to do what is right for me,

To a world, where I bow my head down and follow the herd.

In a world, waiting for the sun to shine,

To a world, where I am smiling and shining.

Somewhere between In a world and To a world, I lost myself.

Why we distance ourselves from certain people?

I am kind of a person who would like to be in a shell if things don’t work out for me. I distance myself from everyone and be alone for a very long time.

In that spare time, I try to imagine how things would have been if they turned out the way I wanted it to be. I furthermore think how other people might have helped me, instead of being an obstacle.

But today I realized that if I am going back to my shell instead of facing reality, I am making myself more vulnerable. There are many out there with whom we feel maintain distance. We go to great lengths to avoid them.

But why??? Why are we behaving in this fashion??? Are they really so bad or they have affected us so much that their mere shadow will annoy us???

Well, the fact is- It is not them. It is YOU.

Unless you let other people affect you, they cant affect you. You give them so much importance that they start bothering you even when they are not around.

All I am trying to say is – in these past few days, I have struggled to be alone. I didn’t want the victim. But guess what! My loneliness made me the culprit and my thought became the victim.

So a piece of advice- before taking off to an unknown island, just take a pause and think “Is it really worth it to leave everything” “Is it ok if I am vulnerable and others can influence me easily”

#BeStrong#Don’tbeavictim

The Only One ♥

You are the only one

With whom I can smile..

You are the only one

With whom I can bare my soul..

You are only one

With whom I can share a bed..

You are the only one

With whom I can shed a tear..

You are the only one

Who can comfort me like a warm blanket in sickness..

You are the only one

Who acts as a ray of light in the darkness..

You are the only one

Who has held me from the past 10 years..

You are the only one

Who lights up my world like no one else..

Yes!! It’s YOU.

HOPE – SOAP- HELPS YOU TO BE ON THE TOP

Positive Affirmation #8

They say… Hope is just like a Soap”

One has to use it regularly in order to be at the top of your life….

Well, it is true.

Every day gives you new hope to chase your dream. But you have to find it daily.

Just like we bathe every day and use exotic soap or shower gel to keep our body clean.

Similarly, we need to find hope to keep our mind refreshing.

So before stepping out, make sure you have your Hope to spread your charismatic personality and be a part of this amazing wonderful world.

Life 🤔

What is LIFE?

A ray of hope….Hope that one day everything will be fine and that one day all my wishes will be full filled.

A series of events…Events that very important in one’s life.

A big web of lies…Lies that you tell to yourself and others, when you put a fake mask and try to smile.but deep down you are broken like glass.

Waiting for tomorrow…Tomorrow when I will have what i want.

Struggling in the present to have a better future… A future which has all the luxury and comfort.

We,ll I have been wondering about this question from quite a few days. I really wonder what is the purpose of life?